Category Archives: Learning Together

May Love Prevail

These inspiring photos were taken on Feb. 1 at the 7th Anniversary of the Interfaith Association for Service to Humanity and Nature (IASHN).  That is a long name for an association founded to foster the development of daily spiritual practice, interfaith respect and harmony, seva or service, wise stewardship of resources, and care for the planet.

I was blessed to be present with 11 women from the U.S. and 160 other people from India and around the world at IASHN’s first gathering.  Sr. Lucy, founder and director of Maher, presided over its creation just steps away from Maher’s first home.  IASHN’s founding took place on an auspicious day.  Twenty years before, Maher Ashram, an interfaith, caste-free organization in India had welcomed the first women and children seeking safe shelter. 

As we processed into the hall at Maher’s National Center, Sr. Lucy and Hirabegum Mulla, chair of the Maher Trust, handed each of us rose petals.  I remember the colorful interfaith mandala, scriptures, passages, songs, and chants, lots of joy, and the smell of spices from the kitchen behind us wafting through the hall.

Unlike most Maher gatherings, the IASHN inauguration was just for adults.  Each of us had made a commitment. We agreed to respect and honor all faith traditions, observe a daily spiritual practice, alleviate human suffering and environmental destruction through seva, or service, and to use natural and monetary resources as carefully as possible so that we might serve as many people in need as possible.  

I was the only person in our group to have qualms about making such a commitment.  Having spent 8 months at Maher, I knew the organization’s integrity.  Could I live up to the pledge?  In the end, perhaps because there was no pressure, I signed the double-spaced document, which fills less than a page.

I often fall short.  However, not a day goes by that I don’t think about the higher standards IASHN calls me to and step toward them.  This experience reminds me of a concept Jillian Pransky shares in her book Deep Listening:  A Healing Practice to Calm Your Body, Clear Your Mind, and Open Your Heart. She writes “a little” + “often” = “a lot.” 

Too often, leaders and citizens choose violence, aggression, and righteousness over compassion, collaboration, and compromise.  I find comfort knowing that those of us who have taken the IASHN pledge are walking together in India, Austria, Brazil, Germany, the UK, the U.S., and other countries toward kindness and care.  IASHN offers proof that the answers to human and societal challenges don’t have to be as complicated as we are often led to believe.  IASHN was founded on the principle that “Love is our Religion.”  I remember Meg Wheatley saying once that, “Love is stronger than law.” 

I am sorry I was not there to celebrate IASHN’s anniversary.  That I didn’t have the opportunity to see women religious leaders join Sr. Lucy and the male religious leaders on stage for the first time.  To hear their voices as they offered prayers and teaching.  That I didn’t get to see the young women perform their beautiful interfaith dance.  That I wasn’t there to carry a candle in the peace rally or sit in meditation with the hundreds who were present. 

In a time when so many feel alone and isolated, I am heartened that I can be connected half a world away through simple daily acts of respect, service, love, and care.  That a small, growing movement that costs nothing to join is helping to make our communities and the planet a safer, healthier, happier place for our children, our grandchildren, their children and all the generations to come.  

To learn more about IASHN and how you can bring its message of interfaith harmony and stewardship to your community, reach out to interfaithassociation2017@gmail.com.

Photos published with permission from IASHN.

“Teach People How to Treat You”

Teaching people how to treat us frees us to be who we truly are and opens the possibility for genuine connection . . .

Early in my career, a wise and far more worldly colleague leaned over and advised, “you have to teach people how to treat you.”  Given societal norms, organizational structures, power dynamics, and my conceptual, flexible, yet fiery tendencies, this would prove to be no easy feat. 

I was clumsy enough at “teaching people how to treat me” that I once hung up on my largest client who was loudly and angrily addressing an error that had occurred.  After listening for what seemed like a very long time without being given any opportunity to respond, I warned, “I am hanging up now” and returned the phone to the cradle.  Shocked, the client immediately called my supervisor, who immediately called me into the office and said that, while he understood how frustrating the situation must have been, if it happened again, I would “be out.”

Clarity Makes All the Difference . . .

Now, in my second, wiser and more compassionate and confident half of life, it has become decidedly easier to be clear with myself about:

  • my goals and values and how, where and under what circumstances I will invest my time, energy and resources,
  • how I will treat people and the way I want to and expect to be treated,
  • when my needs are not being met and how I will handle such situations,
  • boundary violations and their consequences,
  • how I will handle untenable or unfulfilling situations.

It took me many years to learn NOT to assume or ascribe any particular standards of behavior or sets of values to people based on accomplishments, status, or positional power.  I also learned that “trusting” we were on the same page in haste or for any other reason was likely to have an undesirable outcome. 

I have come to appreciate that the time it takes for people to teach me how to treat them and vice versa is well worth the investment.  A good first step is asking how they prefer to receive information and what pace of work they prefer.  From there we can move to more complex topics like navigating conflict, change, diversity, and ambiguity.  These conversations require my full attention and require that I process the information on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level.  I’ve learned that when something doesn’t feel quite right and I have even the slightest reservation, it’s best to step back and assess.   

This sculpture reminds me to take the time needed to see situations clearly . . .

Gaining clarity on preferences, values and all-to-often unspoken agreements allows both parties to 1) experience the process of engaging with one another and 2) to ascertain if this is a relationship that it makes sense to forge and invest in.  Should we decide through this mutually-instructive process, that one or both of us has reservations, we can jointly decide how to address them or if it is best to move in a different direction at this time.

Teach me how to treat you.  I want to learn.  And, I will teach you, too.

Warmly,

Sherry   

Take Stock this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day . . . an ideal time to reflect on life & love . . .

Valentine’s Day, a holiday with complicated origins that date back to 496, marks the 45th day of a new year.  Nearly 13% of 2020 is already in the rear-view mirror. 

What better time to check in with ourselves and our beloveds to see just how much time and attention we are devoting to what we love, what really matters.  To:

  • note what’s bringing us joy,
  • what’s raising our energy,
  • what’s piquing our curiosity,
  • what’s warming our hearts. 

And to, as my massage therapist/zero balancing professional once advised, “Do more of that!”

Express your love for yourself and others by looking at life’s flow so far this year . . .

It’s all too easy in our connected world to get swept along in life’s currents, causes, and concerns and for our deeply-held values and our heart’s desires to get shoved off into the margins.  This Valentine’s Day reboot is a chance to check-in and make sure life is flowing in a direction that serves YOU and your highest good. 

Find some time this weekend to ask yourself and those you love if how you’re spending your days now is how you want to be spending your days.  You may find that you are happily on track and absolutely no changes are necessary.  Or you may realize that there are some” spring is on the way” modifications you would like to make.

Either way, you’ll have given yourself and those you love one of the greatest gifts of all – a path to warmth, peace, radiance and, yes, love. 

Ever grateful,

Sherry